Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Another day...

*F this. Going on computer...three times typing this on my phone is pissing me the f*ck off... stressing out big time...
Left ankle hurts like hell.*
I have been insomnious for weeks now, if not months, seriously stressing out over finding another place to live, DESPERATE to get out of the situation I am in. feeling EXTREMELY hopeless, and flat out wish just wasn't ALIVE right now (not dead, not killing my self, but wishing just wasn't alive in this moment) I NEED to get out of this mess I am in. I NEED HELP and I FEEL like I HAVE NO ONE to help, I have people in my life but no SUBSTANTIAL HELP in my life. I am tired of arguments over this same shit over in over and over and over and OVER again. I feel like I am in a mud pit kicking and grasping to get out, and the people are in the pit sitting on the ground getting covered in mud saying there is nothing I can do. THAT is where I am at, THIS is where my mind is right now. THIS is how I feel. Do I just LAY down and LET the mud fall on me? I am putting ALL my energy into making something happen! ALL of my energy! WE WILL find a new place that is affordable, we WILL be successful in the ways WE know how and Want to be. This is what I tell myself EVERY day, trying to paint MOUNTAINS and Homes on a Blank page, but still everything is invisible... I feel entirely alone in my life even with my best friend around. I feel alone in my life because Family doesn't give me time of day unless I personally do something to reach out. I AM TIRED OF BEGGING TO BE BE with MY FAMILY! I am tired of Telling someone to tell someone that I miss them, with NO responses back. I am TIRED of BEGGING to have even one day spent with. & I am REALLY tired of endless arguments with the only person who DOES understand me, but it feels like the never WANT to help. I know MANY people who are too busy in life, but still make time for people. I need FAMILY right now.  I need a new place RIGHT now, and I don't mean MONTHS I mean DAYS! And I need help in my life. I need someone to be there, and NOT TO YELL AT ME WHEN I SAY I NEED HELP. I am tired of arguments, I JUST NEED A SOLUTION! HERE it is out to the universe! I need a solution! I am calling out to the universe for a solution. I need a Good Affordable Home so I don't rip my hair out, and end up just wanting to die everyday!
~stressed out and feeling alone... where is Beetlejuice when you need him?

By the way, My Newest Piece is available on my Etsy store for download AND my fineartamerica store for all kinds of other options!

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