Alone in Public
I don't now how to title this The best I can come up with is Alone in Public.... but here is something, a poem of sorts, that I wrote in 2007
It always happens like this.
Someone invites me, I go along following the one person I know, but they always take off and do their own thing, leaving me alone.
I can't take this feeling, this anxiety running through my veins, and pouring out my eyes. I feel so stupid when I am all alone, so insecure. So I Write. Alone. To keep me looking busy. So I don't have to explain why I am so upset. I don't like crying in public. I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want my blood boiling, or be restless and covering my face so no one looks at me. I want to be excited, full of life, able to talk to anyone! I don't want this FEAR anymore.
Anyone out there feel the same sometimes?
or am I alone in this too?
Why Why Why?
*I hit an iceberg, and I was sinking fast. A friend in HS helped me through.
Thank you for being there for me!
Written in 1999
Why am I always stuck in this misery.
I Try Try Try to be be happy.
They crowd around me &
all wonder why I am in pain.
I Cry Cry Cry, My eyes are weak,
I can't cry anymore.
But they don't listen,
they want it more.
I do what I can to cheer up.
I pretend that I am okay,
but I can't play anymore.
I can't play that game.
Why dont they see that
this is really hurting me.
I DON'T WANT the attention,
but I need it, Can't you see?
CAN'T YOU SEE??
I need someone to help me
get rid of my tears,
to take me away,
from all my fears.
Not fears around me,
but fears inside.
Fears that I always try to hide.
Fears of not being loved,
fears of losing myself,
or my family.
Fears of not dying when I want to.
Fears of dying when I don't.
I Try Try Try to get through this,
to make my life better,
To get out of this mess.
Can I get better?
I just CAN'T Quit!
Written in 1999
September 7, 2016
#trytrytry #crycrycry #whywhywhy #DTP #Anxiety #why
When I'm All Alone
When I'm all alone, I can feel the pain
I can feel it happen, I want it to end.
When I'm all alone, I sense the anger
I can feel the rush, but I can't let it out.
When I'm all alone, I want to cry
Because it's like love doesn't exist.
When I'm all alone, I know my thoughts
are negative because no one is there to bring me up.
But when I'm alone, I don't feel the anxiety
The nervousness I have when I'm in a crowd.
#ALONE #ANXIETY #DTP