When I'm All Alone

When I'm All Alone

~by: Daynah 

May 2003

When I'm all alone, I can feel the pain

I can feel it happen, I want it to end.

When I'm all alone, I sense the anger

I can feel the rush, but I can't let it out.

When I'm all alone, I want to cry

Because it's like love doesn't exist.

When I'm all alone, I know my thoughts

are negative because no one is there to bring me up.

But when I'm alone, I don't feel the anxiety

The nervousness I have when I'm in a crowd.

-DTP

Written in 20

FIRST Published on my

 Anxiety2Art FB Group 

On April 30, 2015 

#ALONE #ANXIETY #DTP #sparklep8nterpoem 

#poem #poetry

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Long Enough to See the Rainbow

Long Enough to See the Rainbow

by Daynah T. Pedersen

@sparklep8nter #sparklep8nter #sparklep8nterpoem

written & published 3-21-21 

It's always nice to have those friends when you giggle half the night, go clubbing or dancing, just feeling alright.

things are great, you're chill, you're my GIRL!

The friends that always want to pick you up in their car, 

blast the tunes on the radio, sometimes no plans at all.

But are they still when things change in your world?

when things get tough, when you're hurt, or sad, are they still your girl? 

are they only there when the weather is fair?

they want to only have fun, but when you can't or don't feel it

 no one wants to listen to your problems, no one wants to hear it.

no one wants to be there. so look a what you're stuck in...

so to have someone listen, you shell out your cash, sure therapy is great, 

but what about a friend, a real bond, is that all fake?

all the therapy in the world doesn't give you a real connection, 

all it gives you is anxiety till your next session.

all you want is someone true, someone you can cry to as well as laugh. 

but the second they see your cloud roll in, they say for forget this empath.

yeah, I can feel you backing away, I feel your toxic positivity pulsing through my veins. 

sorry, I can't always be fake happy like you, 

sorry I had a bad day and needed a minute or two.

sorry I even thought this was real, 

sorry I had other emotions to feel.

sorry, that listening was just so hard for you, 

even when I did it when YOU needed me to.

a full life of fair weather friends, but this hurricanes been brewing for years. 

holding back anger, faking smiles, wiping secret tears. 

being alone on most everything you have going on, keeping worry, loneliness, secrets and fears.

you stop telling your friends about the sunny days, cuz they won't be there with an *umbrella for the rain. 

I'm just so fuckin sick of being alone, time and time again. 

yes of COURSE I want the sunshine, I want the fun and the whimsey,

but I also want to feel like i can be real, be honest, without you acting like i'm crazy

just once I want to know, 

what it's like to have someone stick around

long enough to let something genuine grow, 

maybe even long enough to see the rainbow. 

* (unless you're an Oregonian)

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#sparklep8nter #sparklep8nterart #sparklep8nterpoem #sparklep8ntersong #longenoughtoseetherainbow #fairweatherfriends #fairweather #stormyweatherfriends #realfriends #truefriends #bestfriends #whatisarealfriend #whatisabestfriend #realpeoplerealfeelings

What I Need

 Love is just a beating heart

rushing and gushing right from the start

blood rushes in, cheeks up in flames

I never thought I'd feel this again

all it took was a little pain, feeling of struggle, 

some feeling insane

feeling like this madness would never end, 

until I said I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS over and over again

Finally one day, it finally clicked, it was finally done, I was over it, 

You know it cuz I exploded

every little aching pain I've collected over seemingly infinite years

feeling unheard, gaslit, called a NAG, a B****, Or Crazy

just cuz I wanted you to take CARE OF ME?

yeah this was it.

I never knew I could feel so alive

like a near death experience, nothing makes you want to live more

makes you gain a new initiative to thrive.

and silly, all it took was stepping out that door

I've finally fallen for ME

to give myself what I need, 

the freedom to live without worry, 

the space & room to BREATHE

cuz when you're with the wrong person

you know it

the actions they provide subliminally show it

 you spend all your time in the mode of give give give

and it feels like all they do is take take take

then you know they're just using you cuz they can, 

they're just being fake fake fake

Fake it til you Make it just won't work 

if you JUST CAN'T TAKE IT.

Jan 2021

(move some shit around, add some stuff... could it make a song? lol)

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#sparklep8nter #poem #lyrics #song #breakup #financialabuse #freedom #iloveme #loveyourself

I need ME more than you do

 Lost, Broken, all Alone

Feeling Miserable, Like I've wasted all this time. 

All these years, waiting, hoping, wishing you would care enough

to take the bull by the fucking horns, Your life is in YOUR hands, 

but you Don't, You didn't, did you ever THINK I'd be OK with being BARELY OK?

I'M NOT FINE

I'm NOT FINE with a life filled of stress, worry, and feeling USED

Did you ever think that maybe I want to be GREAT?

AMAZING? I WANT TO FUCKING THRIVE

and here I left you and you won't even leave. Get Up, Get OUT, or get some FUCKING DRIVE?

I NEED life to make me FEEL ALIVE

Breaking up with toxic love is like 

Falling in love with yourself.

No one's going to MAKE you happy, MAKE you safe, 

MAKE you feel the respect you deserve til you STAND up Stand Tall Shout it OUT

 I NEED ME MORE THAN YOU DO

I NEED ME MORE THAN YOU DO

Better hope you learn to help yourself, 

Because I've waited and waited and I just can't be here for you

Anymore

And don't you Dare say it's cuz  I didn't believe in you 

I had faith, I invested, even when things were WORSE than tough

I love me more than you did, it's obvious, 

because I respect myself enough 

to not make these tired excuses, 

day after day, week after week, year after year

 like you've been doing the last SEVERAL years. (YEARS?!)

I gave you nearly a Decade, and all I got in return was greif, 

I was the problem, I was the nag, I was the one that was overreacting

cuz I just couldn't HANDLE the blatant avoidance 

always heard but never listened, now you want to turn it on me...

Never could you step up, never could you back up 

what you always promised me, 

to love me, protect me, AS WELL as make me feel secure,  NOT INSTEAD

you never did that... yea that's why i'm not so sure 

that I could ever disrespect myself like that again. 

I love myself more than that.

I guess I just needed ME more than you did

I just NEED ME more than YOU did. 

#SparkleP8nter #poem #music #songs #lyrics #feelings #breakup #financialabuse #feelingused

Written & Published 

Winter of 

2020/2021

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